In the words of author Nate Larkin, "Community is the one place our brokenness can be seen and known, not as a source of shame, but as a wellspring of growth." These profound words encapsulate the essence of why community is so vital in our lives.


Community provides a sense of belonging, support, and connection that is essential for our well-being. It is a place where we can be our authentic selves, flaws and all, and still be accepted and embraced for who we are. In a world that often emphasizes perfection and masks our vulnerabilities, community is a sanctuary where our imperfections are not only accepted but valued as a source of growth and learning.


Moreover, community fosters a sense of purpose and meaning. It gives us a platform to contribute, make a difference, and leave a positive impact on the world around us. Through community involvement, we can cultivate relationships, build bridges, and create a sense of unity that transcends boundaries and brings people together in a spirit of togetherness.


In essence, community is not just a gathering of individuals; it is a tapestry of interconnected lives woven together with threads of compassion, empathy, and mutual respect. As Nate Larkin eloquently puts it, community is where our brokenness finds healing, our vulnerabilities find strength, and our shared humanity finds purpose. Let us cherish and nurture the communities we are part of, for they are the fertile soil in which the seeds of growth, connection, and transformation thrive.

“As a Man thinks, so he is”   Proverbs 23:7


In our journey through life, we often internalize messages and beliefs about ourselves that shape our self-perception and influence our actions. These core messages, formed through experiences and interactions, can be either positive or negative. When these core messages are unhealthy or damaging, they can hinder our growth, lead to self-doubt, and impact our relationships.


Mending unhealthy core messages is a crucial step towards healing and personal transformation. It involves recognizing and challenging the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves, and replacing them with positive, affirming truths. This process requires self-reflection, self-compassion, and a willingness to confront the deep-seated wounds that have shaped our self-image.


One of the key aspects of mending unhealthy core messages is to seek support and guidance from others. Whether through therapy, counseling, or trusted friends and family members, having a safe space to explore and process these negative beliefs can be immensely beneficial. It is through vulnerability and openness that we can begin to unravel the layers of self-doubt and self-criticism that have held us back.


Additionally, practicing self-care and self-compassion is essential in the journey towards mending unhealthy core messages. Taking time to nurture ourselves, engage in activities that bring us joy, and practice self-kindness can help us cultivate a more positive self-image and counteract the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.


Ultimately, mending unhealthy core messages is a process of self-discovery and self-acceptance. It is about reclaiming our worth, embracing our strengths, and letting go of the limiting beliefs that no longer serve us. Through introspection and support, we can mend the broken pieces of our self-perception and move towards a place of wholeness and healing.

In my role as a therapist, I have the unique privilege of walking with my clients through various forms of traumas that we as humans experience.  One of the exercises I often engage my clients in is a safe/calm place exercise.  Without going into a lengthy description of the exercise, a portion of it involves think of a place that represents one of the most safe and calm places they can think of.  Time and time again, I hear the words, “It was my grandparents home”.
A Legacy of wisdom
Grandparents are not just family elders; they are storytellers, mentors, and guardians of familial heritage. Their involvement in their grandchildren’s lives can have a lasting impact, shaping their values, character, and understanding of the world.  Author Jim Burns highlights the profound influence grandparents have, stating, "When a child is born, he is the closest he will ever be to the image of God… As a grandparent, you have the privilege of furthering God’s kingdom through the legacy you leave with your grandchildren." This legacy is not just of material possessions but of experiences, morals, and life lessons.
Emotional Anchors
Grandparents often provide a sense of stability and comfort. In a world that is constantly changing, they offer a connection to the past and a steady love that is both reassuring and nurturing. 
Educators of Life
Beyond the classroom, grandparents teach life skills and practical knowledge. They pass down traditions and skills that form the tapestry of family culture and identity. Among other things, my grandfather taught me about fishing.  I can still smell the aroma of his tobacco pipe as he sat patiently waiting for the “big one”. 
Conclusion 
The role of grandparents is invaluable. They are the custodians of family history and the purveyors of wisdom. By embracing their role, they enrich their grandchildren’s lives, leaving a mark that transcends generations.  Jim Burns encapsulates this beautifully: "We are the link to the past, the anchor to the present, and the bridge to the future." Indeed, grandparents are a vital link in the chain of life, offering guidance and love that helps shape the future of their grandchildren.
With all that said, not all grandparents fit the descriptions noted above. For every endearing story there are also many of heartache related to grandparents who may have sadly been disengaged or otherwise unavailable or incapable of healthy relationship.  As unfortunate as this may be, we can take it upon ourselves to be the very grandparents we would like to have had.  With this, our next generation might have that opportunity to speak endearingly about their grandparents.

In his book "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality," author Peter Scazzero delves into the intriguing concept of using God as a means to escape from God. This paradoxical behavior reflects a common tendency among individuals who seek to avoid facing their true selves and the deeper truths of their spiritual journey.

Scazzero highlights how some people may engage in religious practices, attend church services, and participate in spiritual activities as a way to distract themselves from confronting their inner struggles and unresolved issues. Instead of using their faith to draw closer to God and experience genuine transformation, they use it as a façade to mask their inner turmoil and avoid dealing with their personal growth.

An example that illustrates this concept is the story of Sarah, a devoted churchgoer who actively serves in various ministries within her community. On the surface, Sarah appears to have a strong relationship with God and a deep commitment to her faith. However, beneath the surface, Sarah struggles with feelings of unworthiness and unresolved past traumas that she has been avoiding for years.

Sarah's busy schedule of church activities and religious commitments serves as a distraction from addressing her inner pain and seeking healing and wholeness in God. Instead of allowing her faith to guide her towards self-awareness and emotional health, Sarah uses her religious practices as a shield to run away from her inner struggles.

Peter Scazzero's insights shed light on the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in one's spiritual journey. It is essential to approach our relationship with God with honesty and openness, allowing ourselves to confront our fears, doubts, and vulnerabilities. Only by embracing our true selves and engaging in a genuine dialogue with God can we experience true spiritual growth and transformation.

The concept of using God to run from God serves as a powerful reminder to examine our motives and intentions in our spiritual practices and disciplines. Let us strive to cultivate a deep and authentic relationship with God, allowing His love and grace to penetrate our hearts and transform us from within.

How many times have you experienced the same pattern over and over again? Promised yourself and God that it's the last time only to find yourself back in the same place.  Do you wish it would just stop?
You Can Break Free.

Jaeger Counseling specializes in pornography and sexual addiction counseling. A Sexual addiction often has roots in childhood. Studies have shown that about 80% suffered from some kind of sexual abuse or emotional trauma in their past. It may also stem from early exposure to sex related experiences and or exposure to sexually explicit material.
(The average age a child is exposed to porn on the internet is 8 years old.)These wounds are not always easily seen or known by the person struggling with a sexual addiction. Sexual addiction starts the same way any other addiction does – it serves as an escape mechanism that feels good, and feeds on underlying issues of the addict.
Sexual and porn addictive behaviors can be different for each person that struggles with this. The behaviors for many may not progress beyond compulsive masturbation and habitual use of pornography. For other men and women, a lack of control over such strong urges can lead to dangerous, relationship destruction and reckless behavior, as it would for one who is addicted to anything. 

Men are not the only ones struggling with pornography, sexual addictions and masturbation Why I'm Sharing My Story by Kimberly Johnson

• Behaviors May Include One or More of the Following:
  • Viewing Pornography
  • Compulsive Masturbation 
  • Pornography coupled with Masturbation
  • Hiding porn use or sexual behaviors
  • Several failed attempts to decrease, control or stop sexual behaviors
  • Continuation of sexual behaviors despite negative consequences in marriage, career, personal relationships and finances.
  • ​Sexting
  • Affairs
  • Depression and/or anxiety 
  • Feelings of guilt, shame and embarrassment ​
  • Being preoccupied with or persistently craving sex
  • Infidelity
  • Feeling irritable or angry when unable to engage in the desired behavior
  • Visiting strip clubs or adult stores
  • Watching others in a sexual way (voyeurism)
  • Exhibitionism 
  • Phone, text or chatroom sex
  • Sex with anonymous partners​
  • Paying for Sex (prostitutes, massage, escorts)​

Jaeger Counseling believes that the real problem with sexual addiction isn't simply out of control sexual behaviors, it involves underlying "wounds" or traumas that the individual is numbing, medicating or covering up with the sexual addictive behaviors.  The sexual behaviors become a coping mechanism to deal with internal pain, fear of being hurt, fear of being abandoned or shame.
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I have great compassion and understanding for those struggling. I am committed to providing a therapeutic environment that is never shaming, fully accepting and safe for recovery and healing.
​If you are not sure if you have a problem take this free self test.

Pornography and Sexual Addiction Counseling 

In the first counseling session we will begin to gather information about your sexual behaviors, provide information on tools for getting free from those behaviors, begin identifying underlying issues of the addiction and give direction on beginning your journey of healing and freedom from these behaviors.  

If you are struggling with addictive behaviors and have come to a place of wanting to finally get free, don't hesitate!

Call​ me today or schedule online Here to break free. 
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Free Resource: How to Quit Porn, 6 Essential Steps

​If married or in a close relationship, nearly all spouses of those struggling with pornography and sexual addiction behaviors are traumatized by the lies, deception and betrayal.  As a result they are in need of their own support and they need treatment too. Most often, you will both be connected with a counselor to help explore her healing journey.  At the appropriate time, marriage counseling will be a vital part of the healing process. 
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Click here to view information for the spouse or significant other.
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​Did you just find out your loved one has been viewing pornograpy and you are devastated? You want to understand but you are angry? Hurt? Have they been unfaithful?  Or, maybe you knew something about it, but found out it is worse then you thought. If you know someone who needs help overcoming their sexual addiction, you are not alone. There is hope!

You have taken the first steps by recognizing the addiction and choosing to learn more about it. Can there be healing? Can you keep the marriage together? Absolutely. Is there a lot of work to be done? Absolutely.

​First, make a commitment to seek help and support. Decide where you will get that help and support. It is important for spouses of pornography/sex addicts to get counseling. It provides a safe place to share your pain, shock, and grief over the discovery that your spouse has betrayed you. They can teach you to set boundaries in your relationship if your partner is struggling with porn or other related sex addictions.
Addicts often believe that it is something “that everyone does” they do not realize the trail of devastation that is left behind.

​Whether they get help or not, you need to know:

• You did nothing to cause him/her to act out sexually. They are fully responsible for their own decesions and his actions.
• You will feel worse before you begin to feel better. You will go through cycles of hating him and loving him. Know that this is perfectly normal reaction to discovering his sex addiction problem.
• Both of you need to heal. Although it is tempting to focus all attention on getting them help to stop their sex addiction behaviors, do what you can each day to get yourself on a healing path as well.
• Respect their need for privacy as well as yours. There is a great deal of shame and secrecy with a sexual addiction. Family members and close friends may not be your best advocates.
• Only through calm, open, and honest discussion will there be an opportunity to rebuild trust. Let them know how their addiction has affected you.
• That you will need support from those who have been where you are, who fully understand your shock, anger, pain, and sadness. It is beneficial to find support a group, that will provide a safe place for you to share what you are feeling.

You may be feeling guilt, shame, frustration, anger, and deep sorrow. You do not have to face this alone.

I encourage you to seek therapy whether or not they are ready to start recovery. It is important for you to get support for yourself. You can learn about sexual addiction, how it effects you and your family, you can decrease the isolation you feel and learn that you do not have to be ashamed.

Attachment styles play a crucial role in shaping our relationships, especially in marriage. According to renowned psychologists Kay and Milan Yerkovich, understanding attachment styles can provide valuable insights into the dynamics and challenges faced by couples.


Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape our attachment styles, which in turn influence our adult relationships. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.


A secure attachment style is characterized by a sense of trust, emotional intimacy, and effective communication. Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable expressing their needs and emotions, and they are responsive to their partner's needs as well. This style promotes a healthy and fulfilling marriage, as both partners feel safe and supported.


On the other hand, an anxious-preoccupied attachment style is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance. Individuals with this style often worry about their partner's love and commitment, leading to clingy and demanding behaviors. This can create tension and conflict in a marriage, as the anxious partner may become overly dependent on their spouse.


The dismissive-avoidant attachment style is characterized by emotional distance and a fear of intimacy. Individuals with this style tend to downplay the importance of relationships and may avoid emotional vulnerability. In a marriage, this can lead to a lack of emotional connection and difficulty in expressing love and affection.


Lastly, the fearful-avoidant attachment style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant styles. Individuals with this style have a fear of intimacy and a fear of rejection, which can create a push-pull dynamic in their relationships. This can lead to instability and emotional turmoil in a marriage.


Understanding these attachment styles can help couples navigate the challenges they may face in their marriage. By recognizing their own attachment style and that of their partner, couples can develop strategies to address any issues that arise. For example, a partner with an anxious attachment style may benefit from reassurance and open communication, while a partner with an avoidant attachment style may need space and understanding.


By understanding and addressing these styles, couples can cultivate a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. As Kay and Milan Yerkovich emphasize, awareness of attachment styles can provide valuable insights and tools for couples to build a strong and lasting marriage.  To understand more about your attachment style and its impact on your relationship you can go to howwelove.com and take the quiz.

Blame is a common reaction when something goes wrong or when we feel hurt or disappointed. It is a way for us to assign responsibility and find someone to hold accountable for the negative outcome. However, the concept of blame goes beyond just pointing fingers. It is a commentary on the unresolved hidden issues within the blamer themselves.


When we blame others, we often fail to recognize that our blame is a reflection of our own unresolved emotions and insecurities. Blaming someone else allows us to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions or facing our own shortcomings. It becomes a defense mechanism that shields us from confronting our own flaws and vulnerabilities.


Blame also serves as a distraction from the deeper issues that lie beneath the surface. Instead of addressing the root cause of the problem, we focus on finding someone to blame. This prevents us from truly understanding the situation and finding meaningful solutions. Blame becomes a way to avoid the discomfort of self-reflection and growth.


Furthermore, blame can be a projection of our own fears and insecurities onto others. We may project our own feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy onto someone else, making them the scapegoat for our own internal struggles. By blaming others, we create a false sense of superiority and righteousness, temporarily alleviating our own feelings of inadequacy.


Instead of pointing fingers, we should focus on self-reflection and personal growth. By addressing our own emotions and insecurities, we can develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. This allows us to approach conflicts and challenges with empathy, compassion, and a willingness to find constructive solutions.


"Before you point your finger at someone else, remember that there are always three fingers pointing back at you." - Unknown

In today's digital age, cell phones have become an integral part of our lives. We use them for communication, entertainment, and information. However, the excessive use of cell phones can have negative effects on intimate relationships. 


1. Distraction: One of the most significant negative effects of cell phone usage on intimate relationships is distraction. When we constantly check our phones, we divert our attention away from our partners. This can lead to feelings of neglect and frustration, as our partners may feel ignored or unimportant. Moreover, constant distractions can hinder meaningful conversations and emotional connection, which are crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.  It is impossible to be present with a cell phone in your hand. 


2. Lack of quality time: Spending quality time together is essential for building and nurturing intimate relationships. However, excessive cell phone usage can eat into this time. Whether it's scrolling through social media, playing games, or watching videos, the time spent on our phones takes away from the time we could be spending with our partners. This lack of quality time can create distance and erode the bond between partners.


3. Decreased intimacy: Intimacy is a vital component of any romantic relationship. However, cell phone usage can negatively impact intimacy. When we are constantly glued to our screens, we may neglect physical affection, emotional connection, and sexual intimacy. The presence of cell phones in the bedroom can also disrupt sleep patterns, leading to fatigue and decreased sexual desire.


4. Trust issues: Excessive cell phone usage can also lead to trust issues in relationships. Constantly checking messages, social media, or emails can create suspicion and insecurity. Partners may start questioning each other's loyalty and faithfulness, leading to unnecessary conflicts and arguments. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and cell phone usage can erode that trust if not managed properly.


5. Communication breakdown: Effective communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and maintaining a strong bond in a relationship. However, cell phone usage can hinder communication. When we are constantly distracted by our phones, we may not fully listen or understand our partner's needs and concerns. This can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and unresolved conflicts.


To mitigate the negative effects of cell phone usage on intimate relationships, here are some suggestions:


1. Establish boundaries: Set clear boundaries regarding cell phone usage in your relationship. Designate specific times or areas where phones are off-limits, such as during meals or before bedtime. This will create opportunities for uninterrupted quality time and meaningful conversations.


2. Practice active listening: When engaging with your partner, put your phone away and actively listen to what they have to say. Show genuine interest and give them your undivided attention. This will strengthen your emotional connection and foster better communication.


3. Create phone-free zones: Designate certain areas in your home, such as the bedroom or living room, as phone-free zones. This will help create a technology-free space where you can focus on each other and nurture your relationship.


4. Set aside dedicated time for each other: Schedule regular date nights or quality time where you can focus solely on each other. Use this time to engage in activities that promote bonding and intimacy, such as going for a walk, cooking together, or having a heartfelt conversation.


5. Practice digital detox: Take occasional breaks from your phone and encourage your partner to do the same. Engage in activities that don't involve screens, such as outdoor activities, reading, or pursuing hobbies together. This will help you reconnect with each other and reduce the dependency on technology.


While cell phones have undoubtedly revolutionized communication, their excessive usage can have negative effects on intimate relationships. By being mindful of our cell phone usage, setting boundaries, and prioritizing quality time with our partners, we can mitigate these effects and foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.


                         "Technology is a wonderful tool, but it's a terrible master." - Simon Sinek