She's never in the mood! I can not tell you the number of times I have heard this from men I have worked with over the years. A frustrated husband utterly in the dark about what makes his wife tick (or not tick). It is usually after many days, weeks or even months of busy schedules, long hours at work, obligations with kids, school, sports and other commitments. When you have minimal time time as a couple to talk, recreate and connect in a meaningful way couples can begin to wonder how marriage differs from a roommate you barely see. Add in a few conflicts, an insensitive comment or disrespectful judgement and you have a recipe for a frigid climate.
The most common scenario I see, although deeply troubling for those in it, is actually quite basic in its remedy. Part of the solution lies in our fundamental differences as men and women. Naturally, there are exceptions to the generalizations that I will make, however, based on my observations what I will share is often the case. Given that we as men seem to be endowed with a unique ability to compartmentalize we fail to understand how disconnect and conflict has anything to do with intimacy after a long stressful day. For the woman in our life she is thinking "why in the world would I want to be intimate, I don't even like him right now"! Women are much more integrated in their personalities, they find it difficult to put aside hurt, unkind words, stress, frustrations and "snuggle".
At this risk of oversimplifying this....Men here are some basic instructions I share with my clients.
You see, it's often less about sexual prowess, technique or whether you look buff enough. It really has to do with your ears and heart. Most men that apply these instructions will see sexual intimacy improve in their marriage. Some guys have asked, "how long do I have to do this"? Well, for the rest of your life.
Consistency+Time = A Good Love Life!